The Swedish Are Taking Over!

With the grand opening of Ikea and the launch of the Stella McCartney line at H&M, Swedish entrepreneurs are obviously pursuing their plot to kill off most American consumers through merciless battles at stores.

Considering the epic tales people have told me about their journeys to Ikea this past weekend, I wisely decided to wait for my first visit. I, like any other suburbanite who is looking to spruce up her home with copies of Modernist Topdeq-furniture, want to witness the phenomena and wonder that is IKEA. (Everyone loves cheap Swedish furniture! You cannot resist!) I salute those who have endured hours of traffic, fought off fellow Americans, and who have experienced chaotic road rage to bask in the showroom to buy furniture with super-duper hot names like Hopen and Pax, only to sample Swedish meatballs at the Ikea restaurant. I pity the residents of Stoughton who are resenting the establishment of an international corporate giant in their back yard. They will undoubtedly be receiving a continuous influx of crazed Ikea tourists while being duped by Ingvar Kamprad. Nonetheless, I enjoy watching Americans dance gleefully in blue and yellow Ikea-emblazoned gear on the nightly news.

Unfortunately, I was not so wise on Friday when I went to H&M to check out the chic new line from Stella McCartney, reputed to have higher quality and style. I first learned about the new collection from a summer issue of Bazaar and was excited to see what the fuss was about. So V and I trotted in the store, where we could not find any signs of the collection (i.e. post-war destruction, battlecries from women).

"Excuse me, do you know where I can find the new Stella McCartney collection?"

"Uh, yeah. Well, there's what's left of it on the table at the front."

V and I found the little black table with mere scraps of what was left over from the crazed women of the morning. Scattered around the area were clear plastic keychains in shapes of random animals, pink and blue wool scarves, off-the-shoulder shirts with the Stella logo, and generic rhinestone-encrusted designer bikinis. Immediately, I imagined the worst case scenario, or probably what happened that morning: women hitting each other with the ligaments of mannequins, beating each other with hangers, clawing for merchandise with last season's boho jewelry in one hand and metallic handbags strapped to their bodies. I thought that it was quite disturbing that Stella McCartney would create such fugly attire to degrade the public because that would be more of a Mr. Lagerfeld move. Apparently, it's admirable and trendy for high fashion designers to surrender to the confines of noblesse oblige and create mediocre and affordable collections for those who are not rich. Bostonians should be grateful considering we didn't experience what happened in NYC. Poor V. She only wanted skinny jeans!

To read more about the madness:

Gawker: H&M

The Boston Herald: Ikea