Get Over Yourself, Coach

I thought Coach was already bad, advertising themselves as a luxury brand when their nominal craftsmanship remained inferior to that of the real luxury goods. It was a wannabe of the handbag world. As much as Coach hoped and wished, it would never really be Gucci or Goyard; even Cole Haan is more reputatble. The tacky logos, terrible patchwork, and neontastic color schemes only appealed to the commoners of New England and the trend-whoring women in Asia. But last year, Coach showed some potential. I remember a very soft satin and rabbit fur ski bag that was quite worthy of an après-ski outing.

Unfortunately, Coach has thrown all their creativity and dignity away to give rise to this: The Signature Stripe Reversible Tote. Okay, I'll even ignore the horrendous winter patchwork and teeny-bopper makeup color palette they have going on this season, but this is unacceptable. The flap of crappy leather with gold reads... "This is a Coach bag. It was handcrafted from the finest materials. Its superior craftsmanship and attention to detail reflect our commitment to enduring quality." Are you shitting me? Is this a joke? Would any company REALLY do this? I bet Tomas Maier and Wintour would roll over laughing at this. The fact that a company like Coach would proclaim its superior craftsmanship is ridiculous. Sure $298 for a handbag today isn't too expensive, but I wouldn't wear this symbol of pompousness if someone paid me that amount. Also, the bag is reversible, which shows you how much value it really has. The team at Hermès will probably order five hundred of these babies to use as trash bags at their studio.

The sad part? I'll probably see a hundred girls at my school who will wear this proudly with Uggs. How distasteful American culture is sometimes.